Article by Nate Marmaro There comes a moment in a man's life when he stares into the jaundiced, bleary eye of fate and realizes the inescapable truth of what is to become of the rest of his time in this world. That moment for me was halfway...

Column by Casey Freeman SCENE: Every middle school dance I ever attendedKC: You know, on Saved by the Bell, at their dances they have punch and stuff.Kid: That show sucks.KC: Yeah, um, I think so too. Totally.Kid: Look at that guy, dancing with a girl. Wh...

Article by Jeff Gassen Cats are fucking assholes. Yeah, I said it. Throughout history, cats have had an uncanny ability to lull people into their graces with the innocence of kittenhood, only to turn them in to Stepford Wife Shit-Cleaning S...

Article by Jeff Gassen Cats are fucking assholes. Yeah, I said it. Throughout history, cats have had an uncanny ability to lull people into their graces with the innocence of kittenhood, only to turn them in to Stepford Wife Shit-Cleaning S...

Blog by Molly Williams SundayMild and sunny, with occasional snoring from the guy passed out on the upstairs balcony. Prepare for mid-afternoon bellows after his girlfriend lumbers over to use his phone and discovers naked pictures of her now-former best...

Column by Yaro Shepherd This is it. You've been waiting weeks for The Artist to make this tour stop in your city and you're sure as hell not going to miss it. Since you've never been to a rap concert before this one, you're unsure of what to expect. How m...

Article by Wesley Jansen Now I don't know about you, but I consider myself to be an average kinda guy. I pretty much want the same things any young, 30-year-old man wants: a decent job, a comfortable place to live, a smart girlfriend, good...

Column by Casey Freeman My mom bought me The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo which I read and thought was alright. My mom apparently thought I thought the book was "awesome," so she gave me the second one, The Girl Who Played With Fire. Now, I've re...

Blog by Paul Frank Lately, rumors have surfaced that pop singer Rihanna has secretly been hooking up with her ex-boyfriend, R&B/pop singer Chris Brown, his most famous hit being of her face. Yet, even after he domestically violenced her in a car and i...

Article by Madame Zooble Twitter is cesspool of 40-year-old divorcee perverts who want to relive their college years by tweeting about blowjobs and masturbating. I am a 21-year-old Jewish girl from New York, which does not mean I'm not a pe...

Column by Ashley Garmany As yet another Valentine's Day approaches, and I stare down the road of empty, bitter cold loneliness, I find myself asking the question, "Is it me?"According to Facebook, most people my age are either getting married or...

Article by Matthew Chard Taking over a planet isn't easy. If it was, super villains across the universe wouldn't be getting regularly defeated by everyone from James Bond to the Gummi Bears. It is for this reason, then, that everyone with a...

Article by Tom Eydmann I am constantly hounded by people asking me questions that begin with the line, "Did you know..." followed by some small fact about a movie, musician, celebrity, or food product which I either already knew o...

Before talking with stand-up comedian Tom Green, I commissioned friends and fellow comics to assist me in coming up with questions. "Anything, at all!" I proposed. And honestly, there was almost too much to choose from; it's Tom Green for fuck-s...

Column by Yaro Shepherd Hi Daddy!I know I haven't written to you since I left Lake Placid 6 months ago to pursue fortune and fame in the form of a record deal, but I wanted to remind you that your little girl is still alive and trying to "make it&quo...

Column by Andrei Trostel Well it's officially The Day After. No, I'm not talking about that post-apocalyptic nuclear war movie with Steve Guttenberg and John Lithgow, although in many ways, venturing out into that society is more appealing to me than leav...

Blog by Casey Freeman (I came to America)Don't get me wrong, Korea has a lot of awesome stuff, but there are just some things the USA does great. Hamburgers, pizza, bagels, Mexican food, Mexican pizza, pizza bagels and so on. Here are some other things......

Article by Ryan DeCurtidor Take your half-finished Sudokus and throw them away. Numbers and logic won't help you where you're going. Take your word jumbles and your word scrambles and make confetti. You'll need confetti where you're going....

Blog by Joshua Bartel I have decided to rectify a mistake a made long ago, when I identified the Jews as My "Chosen People." I had high hopes for Abraham and Isaac, but with the exception of Sandy Koufax and Mark Spitz there have been few Jews...

Column by Ashley Garmany Growing up, I spent most of my formative years in a single-parent setting. Being raised by my father, I learned to be tough and strong (mostly because he didn't believe in going to the doctor). He followed the old school methods o...

Article by Jeff Gassen Robots are cool. Unfortunately, pretty soon they'll be able to make mincemeat out of your pansy ass. You think the Terminator was a badass? That pussy couldn't even go back in time and "terminate" his own il...

Article by Mike Gursky We'll all face the hard times of living with a crazy roommate at some point in our lives. Maybe it's somebody who gets on your nerves, or somebody with ridiculous habits. It might even be somebody loud, who speaks in...

Blog by Molly Williams Volunteering sucks. I know this because I was in the honors program for all of a year until I deemed it a pointless waste of time, and one of the program's requirements was volunteering—because there is no better way to help a com...